The First Trimester: Feeling Our Way
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Follows "A Plan Conceived". The First Trimester is often a turbulent time filled with change...as David Rossi & Emily Prentiss will find out. Co-auth'd w/tonnie2001969.
1. Chapter 1

**The First Trimester – Feeling Our Way**

**Chapter One**

She was supposed to have been happy. After six months of trying like hell to conceive, they'd accomplished what he'd begun thinking would be impossible. She was having his child. But instead of being drawn closer together, the woman he loved was erecting walls and retreating further within herself. "Wasn't this supposed to bond them together?" he thought morosely, studying the scotch in his glass as he listened to her soft movements in the kitchen.

They'd had yet another in a long line of skirmishes. They'd been having them the last eight weeks, but this was the first time he'd felt that she'd truly shut him out. Turned him off. Simply ceased hearing anything he tried to say. And all because he wanted them to have a home. More specifically, he wanted one home that they could share. And since he already owned the property at Little Creek, it had been the logical choice, hadn't it. Country air, plenty of room for a child to grow and experiment. Logical, right?

WRONG.

He had expected her to jump at the opportunity, excited at the prospects of having an honest-to-goodness house available at her fingertips. But apparently Emily's plans for the future were drastically different from his.

Glancing at the open passageway to the kitchen, he wondered if he could at least try to present his case one more time. But he had a feeling that it would go no better the second time around than it had the first. Emily had been adamant in her displeasure at his suggestion, and he could still hear her strident tones ringing in his ears as she had informed him, plainly that she and "her child" would never be living in that god-forsaken wilderness that he called a home.

If he was being honest with himself, it wasn't the fact that she didn't want to live specifically at Little Creek. No, what had troubled him more than that was her developing unwillingness to allow "them" to make decisions concerning "their" child.

But then, most of all, he was truly beginning to realize that the woman he loved, the woman that was carrying his child, was slipping through his fingers. Taking one last sip of his scotch, Rossi slammed the glass on the end table as he dropped his feet to the floor, his mind made up.

He was going to talk to her. He was going to at least attempt to break through that wall of silence that she had erected.

Easing toward the kitchen, he kept his approach light, not wanting to start the new negotiations with the bluster that he knew he was famous for. And just as he was rounding the corner, he ran face-to-face with the very woman he was going to find.

"Dave," she huffed, her hands automatically landing on his chest as he steadied her, his hands easily settling on her hips. "What in the world….?"

"I was coming to look for you, Emmy," he replied, staring down into her darkened eyes. "I think we still have a few things to discuss, don't you?"

As soon as she heard his words, Emily started shaking her head, her lips pursing. "I think I've said everything I want to about the matter, Dave. "

"Well, then, maybe you'll give me a chance to contribute to the conversation this time," Rossi snapped back, his tone sharper than he had originally intended. Dammit, something about this woman caused him to have his passions at the ready.

Narrowing her eyes at the undertone she heard in his simple words, Emily took a step back, pulling out of his embrace as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You spoke earlier. You stated your case. My reply will not change, Dave." Pushing around him, she said shortly as she headed toward the doorway, "I'm going to take a shower."

Shifting on his feet to intercept her quickly, Dave shook his head. "Talk first, Emmy. The hot water is still gonna be there when we're done."

"Dave, I've already told you, I'm not interesting to moving to Little Creek with you. I'm quite happy here in my apartment."

"You mean your tastefully decorated, spacious ONE bedroom apartment, Emily?" Dave asked conversationally. "Yeah, it's perfect for a single woman on the go. Not so great for a growing family. Admit it, my idea made sense."

Frowning at him as her hands dropped to her hips, Emily muttered, "You think you're so smart don't you, Rossi. You knew best when you started harassing me about daily naps and getting enough rest. You knew best when you began interfering at work, making sure I spent more time at the office and less time in the field. And now, you know best regarding where you think I should live my life. Is there any aspect of this that you don't feel proficient in? I'm not moving, Rossi. If you can't wrap your mind around that, you're free to leave anytime."

Shaking his head at her unreasonable accusations, Dave growled, "Why do I get the feeling that is exactly what you hope I'll do."

Turning to retreat back into her living room, Emily threw over her shoulder, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Following on her heels, Dave shook his head. "Yes, you do. Tell me, Emily, is it always going to be necessary for you to keep an escape route between us. "

"What?" Emily asked, glaring at him.

"That's what you're doing isn't it? Planning for that eventual day when I get bored with the idea of being your partner and a father to OUR child and leave? At least do us both a favor and admit it out loud," Dave suggested. Watching her face tighten almost imperceptibly, he knew he was on to something. "That's what you've been doing, isn't it? Look around, Emily, we're almost twelve weeks into this thing and I'm still here. Did you never expect me to make it this far?"

"You have to admit that your track record doesn't exactly lend itself to long-term stability, now does it, Dave?" Emily stated plainly, her face maintain its impassive expression. She added, moving a few steps away, "I believe this is your problem, not mine."

"Dammit, Emily," Rossi ground out, his curse ringing in the otherwise quiet room, "Contrary to your expectations, I have no intention of moving, leaving, or abandoning you and OUR child. And in case you've missed it, you're the one that keeps running away."

"My condo, so I'm not running anywhere. And I think you and I have vastly different interpretations of this situation, Dave," Emily replied, merely raising an eyebrow as she bent down to pick up a book from the hardwood floor beside the sofa.

"Emily," Rossi snapped, glaring at her as his anger once again bubbled to the surface, "Would you please just stand still for a moment?"

Letting out a deep sigh, Emily dropped her hands to her hips as she said, eyes narrowing, "I'm here, Dave. But I don't think I'm going to hear anything differently than I've heard over the past few weeks, am I?"

"You may be hearing, but you're definitely not listening," Rossi replied, watching her face carefully for any signs of response. Slowly, he asked then, "Emily, do you trust me?"


	2. Chapter 2

**The First Trimester: Feeling Our Way**

**Chapter Two**

Turning away to straighten the pictures on the bookcase against the wall, Emily stalled. "Why would you ask me that?"

"Don't deflect, Emily. Just answer the question. Do you trust me?" Dave repeated as he watched her nervously fidget with the array of pictures scattered across her book shelves.

Shoulders dropping , Emily blew out a deep breath. She could lie and say that yes, she trusted him or she could be honest. Instead, she opted for one of her patently evasive answers. "I trust you as much as I trust any man I know."

Laughing without humor, Dave smiled bitterly, "So, not at all, huh?"

"I didn't say that," Emily replied evenly. "I consider myself to be perfectly safe with you."

"That isn't what I asked, Emmy," Dave sighed, dropping his hands in his pockets.

"I'm not sure what you want from me here, Dave," Emily huffed, picking up a pillow from the easy chair in front of her and fluffing it.

"I want the truth, Emily. The unequivocal, in my face, truth," Dave demanded. "Is that too much to ask from the mother of my son or daughter?"

"You don't want to hear the truth," Emily mumbled. "You want me to say what you want to hear."

"Let me give you a bit of advice," Dave said almost conversationally, forcing himself to bite back the bitter tone that wanted to escape. "You apparently don't know me at all, so if I were you, I wouldn't be so quick to assume that you know what I do or don't want."

"I could say the same thing about you," Emily replied, turning to glare at him.

"You would be wrong," Rossi threw out quickly, taking a step closer to her. "All I've ever wanted from you was for you to trust me and to know that I only want what's best for you and our child, Emily. And that means that you tell me the truth. Not what sounds good. Not what is easy. The truth." He paused, then asked her again, "Here's the question again, Emily. Do you trust me?"

Raising her chin, Emily met his eyes as she said slowly, her tone neutral, "There's only one person in my life that I can trust completely, Dave, and that's me. Otherwise, things become complicated. I learned that little gem of a truth quite a few years ago. "

"Then I suggest you start trying harder," Dave replied, his voice hard in the still room. "Because soon," he said, nodding at the tiny bulge of her belly, "there's gonna be a brand new little person here that demands his mommy and daddy learn to work together."

"Dave-," Emily began wearily.

Raising his hand for silence, Dave shook his head. "Don't even try what you're going to do next."

"Alright, all-knowing one, what is it that you've determined I'm going to try next?" Emily asked in an interested tone.

"You're going to do what you've been doing the last ten weeks. Throw your shields up and hide behind them. Newsflash, Emily! You aren't getting rid of me that way. I'm not going to walk away no matter how cold and distant you force yourself to be. I need you. I LOVE you. And, I'm fairly certain, whether you'll admit it or not, you feel the same way about me."

"Don't tell me how I feel, Rossi," Emily ordered with a frown. Damn, she hated when men did that!

"Fine," Dave nodded pleasantly. "I'll be happy to stop doing that. Just as soon as you start TELLING me how you feel. Maybe that way, I can stop guessing."

"If you must know, I'm aggravated," Emily replied, her flashing eyes meeting his again. "Aggravated that we're even having this conversation right now."

"When would you suggest that we discuss this then? When our child is eighteen and applying for colleges?" Rossi asked, wondering if he was ever going to get a straight answer out of her.

"Don't be facetious, Dave," she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't be evasive, Emily," he replied just as quickly matching her tone as he shook his head. Taking another step in her direction, he said softly, "Emily, I don't want to fight with you. I just want to know how you feel. And I'm not going to give up until we discuss that."

"If that's the way you feel," Emily replied, her voice deceptively calm as her emotions starting to jumble inside, "Then I think it might be best if you left, Dave."

"I'm not going anywhere, Emily. I already told you that. You aren't going to avoid your way out this time," Dave said firmly. "We're adults. Adults discuss their problems."

"The only problem I have is that you're acting like a bossy, dictatorial asshole," Emily said calmly.

"Maybe I am, Emily," Dave shrugged. "But that doesn't change the fact that I love you. I love that kid you're carrying. And I want to make this work. But, the only way I can do that is to get you to talk to me." Running a hand down his face, Dave measured his next words carefully as he said, "Tell me this, Emily, is it your plan to push me away…to keep me from being a part of your life…our baby's life?"

"Of course not," Emily said quickly, glancing toward him, "It's just…"

"Just what, Emily?" Dave asked cautiously, not wanting to spook the anxious woman in front of him.

"I never thought past actually getting pregnant. Not in relation to you and me and what it would mean to us. I like my independence, Dave. I've had it for a long time…and letting someone else influence the decisions I make is a foreign concept to me," Emily said, struggling to explain how she felt. Part of her wanted to tell him exactly how she felt, but then, she realized that she wasn't sure of that herself. "You've been in relationships before, Dave. You've got the upper hand on me here. Up until whatever this," she said, waving a hand between them, "is between us, my longest relationship lasted until breakfast. Maybe."

"You're exaggerating," Dave soothed. He knew Emily had boyfriends in her past. She was rewriting the past to meet her present need.

"Not by much," she grumbled. "Regardless, between the two of us, neither has proven to have an exceeding amount of staying power in the relationship department."

"So your answer is to just quit trying," he frowned, puzzled by the woman in front of him. "You've never stricken me as the type that quits just because something gets difficult, Emmy."

"I'm not quitting," Emily insisted, hating this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy that plagued her. "I'm just trying to be realistic about our situation."

"Realistic?" Dave repeated, suddenly uneasy with the path he suspected her mind was taking.

"Yes, realistic," she nodded. Shifting on her feet, Emily looked away from his penetrating gaze. God, she felt cornered. Like a hunted animal with her pursuer only footsteps behind her. Good God, there was really no good way out of this. Why had she thought she could do this…this merging and melding of her life with another? Especially another as stubborn and determined as David Rossi.

"Is that your tactful way of saying that you don't think that you and I are going to last, Emily?" Dave asked bluntly, his words harsh in the still room.


	3. Chapter 3

**The First Trimester: Feeling Our Way**

**Chapter Three**

Licking her lips, Emily searched for words. But how could she verbalize an answer to a question that she wasn't sure how to answer to herself? She loved him. That much she knew. It was a closely guarded secret that she held tight against her heart. But, the idea of sharing that knowledge with the man in front of her terrified her in a way few things seldom had. The idea of exposing herself by speaking what was in her heart was an idea that horrified her. Because exposing her innermost thoughts made her vulnerable…and the one thing she'd developed an extraordinary skill at was protecting herself. Even from a man that professed to love her.

"I don't know, Dave," Emily finally whispered when the silence became too deafening to stand.

Clenching his jaw against the pain her words inflicted, Dave reminded himself to breath. "Well, that's a shame, Em. Especially considering the fact that in about six and a half months were going to have a little product from our time together. And I'm pretty sure he or she will demand to know what exactly mommy and daddy are to each other eventually."

"Dave," Emily sighed, suddenly weary, and the thoughts of more and more months just added to her fatigue. "Do we have to do this tonight?"

"If it was up to you, Emily, we'd never have this discussion. So, yeah, it has to be tonight. I want to know what the hell has scared you into thinking that we might not have a future together," Dave demanded. "What the hell have I done that was so bad that I've sent you running from me?"

"I'm not running, Rossi. I'm standing right here," Emily retorted, insulted that he'd imply she was a coward.

"You may be physically standing in front of me, but you guard your thoughts like a seasoned soldier. I have absolutely no idea how you FEEL, Em," Dave prodded, knowing that he was going to have to probe deeper than she wanted if he was going to bring her true feelings to the surface.

"I FEEL like you're forcing me into a discussion that I'm not ready to have," Emily returned, wrapping her arms around her chest as she threw a glower in his direction.

"I'm not trying to force you into anything, Cara," Dave said softly, taking a careful step toward the anxious woman in front of him. "I'm really not. It's just…it feels like you're disappearing right in front of me. You're fading away and I'm grasping at the air, trying desperately to keep you with me. Can't you understand that the thought of losing you scares the hell out of me?"

"The thought of allowing you close enough to hurt me scares the hell out of ME, David," Emily replied without thinking.

Hearing the panic lacing her words, Dave frowned. "I'd never intentionally hurt you, Emily. Never."

"How many times have you said those words before, Rossi?" she asked sadly, realizing how much of herself she'd given away with her simple statement. Then she knew that she had to deflect. He was skating too close to the truth.

"I've never said them when I didn't mean them, Em. Never," Rossi asserted softly but firmly, realizing easily that the conversation had taken a definite turn into territory that he had not been prepared for. For just a moment, her eyes gave away more than just the normal panicked thoughts of a first-time mother. In those telling seconds, he had identified true fear, which shocked him while making him want to do whatever it took to protect this uncharacteristically fragile woman.

"You'll have to forgive me if I have a difficult time accepting that, your past being what it is," Emily replied, turning her head to stare out the darkened window.

Rather than taking offense at her words, Rossi allowed them to slide over him, knowing that her response was coming from an emotion that she was obviously choosing not to acknowledge. And the profiler in him knew that if he was going to get to the bottom of this, then he was going to have to break through that shield that enveloped her like a second skin.

"Emily, cara, I have to ask this," Rossi said, carefully weighing his words as he kept his eyes trained on hers, "Who hurt you?"

Glancing up sharply, Emily automatically shook her head, dropping the mask over her face as she took a step backward. Her words were void of all emotion as she said, "I have no idea what you are talking about, Dave. I am perfectly fine." Forcing herself to breathe normally, she added, almost sharply, "And I think that our conversation is done for the evening."

"Nice try," Dave said, smiling grimly as he shook his head. "But I'm far from finished. I asked you a question that…"

"That you have no right asking," Emily snapped, feeling the first tide of anger washing against her. Anger she could handle. She was familiar with anger. She could DO anger.

"I beg to differ. Somewhere in that mysterious past of yours, somebody hurt you. And since I'm the one standing here paying for those sins, I think I have the right to know who it was," Dave explained patiently. He wasn't going to allow her ire to sway him. This conversation had to happen. Pushing her to vent her spleen, no longer avoidable.

"IF someone hurt me in my past, that's my business, Rossi. And excuse me if I'm not in a rush to drag you into my closet of skeletons. I locked those doors a long time ago," Emily retorted unapologetically. There was no way she'd willingly take THAT walk down memory lane. Not even with him.


	4. Chapter 4

******_A/N -- Just wanted to take a moment and let ya'll know this is it til at least Sunday...the Swine flu is kicking my butt. I really appreciate all the reviews and feedback. And to my anonymous reviewers, thank you, too. I can't thank you personally cause won't let me, but I truly appreciate it. Keep letting me know what ya'll think...but please be kind. As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds._**

**The First Trimester: Feeling Our Way**

**Chapter Four**

"So you admit the closet exists in the first place," Rossi said, nodding to himself as he recognized the fact that he was on the right path.

"Admission is not a decision for discussion," Emily snapped quickly, hiding her hand behind her back as she felt her fist start to clench.

"Hell, Emily, at this point, an admission from you about _**anything**_ could almost be classified as a breach of national security," Rossi muttered with a shake of his head. "State secrets are guarded with less strictness than you bundle up your past."

"My choice, Rossi," she bit out, then added, raising an eyebrow as she threw another lobby into his field, "And I don't exactly see you forth-coming with every detail in your history."

"I've never made my past off limits, either," he replied easily, holding out both hands. "What you see is what you get, honey, and I've always been clear about that. And I've also been clear that there's nothing in my past that I will allow to hurt you now. Nothing."

Tightly, Emily nodded as she responded, "And nothing in my past should be a worry to you. There. We're even."

"I'm not looking to settle a score, woman," Rossi ground out, barely resisting the urge to drag this infuriating woman to him and kiss her senseless. "I want you to admit that there's something, someone in your past that could hurt YOU! Dammit, it's hurting you right now, and you'd rather fight with me than admit it!"

Emily felt the insides of her stomach start to quiver as she leveled a dangerous glare on him. "I'm not the one that started this fight, Dave."

Refusing to be drawn into an argument on that matter, Rossi merely replied, easily, "But you can end it, cara. You can end it by telling me what happened so I'll at least know which ghost I'm fighting this time."

Laughing without any humor, Emily tightened her arms over her chest as she met his flashing eyes. "You think you can deal with ghosts, Rossi? You think you'll be any better at exorcising the demons that have been attacking me for twenty five years?" As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she knew that she had once again revealed more than she had intended, and she could see by the sudden dawning in his eyes that he had already pieced the puzzle together. Taking a step back, she started shaking her head as she muttered, "Leave it alone. Do you hear me? Leave it alone."

This time, he did allow himself to touch her as he grabbed easily for her arm, catching her before she managed to turn away from him completely. Firmly but calmly, he shook his head, "I can't, Emmy. I can't let you stand there and believe that you have to guard yourself and this child because of something that happened to you and another baby a quarter of a century ago."

As his words bombarded her mind, Emily felt the shields she had erected start to shatter, the spider web of cracks growing by the second. Jerking as if she had been physically slapped, she hissed as she dropped her hands to her barely-there bump, "Don't you dare, Rossi. Don't you dare bring up something that you know nothing….NOTHING….about."

Hearing the anger mixed with sheer fear in her voice, Rossi knew he had to soldier forward, but that didn't make him any happier with himself at that moment. Taking a half-step toward her, he said, his voice deceptively calm, "I know what you've told me, Emmy. I know that you doubted yourself, your decisions at that moment. And I know that…."

"You know nothing," Emily coldly interrupted, her eyes flashing daggers as she forced herself to reinforce those weakening battlements. "You weren't there. And you'll never be there, Dave. You have no idea what decisions I had to make."

"I know you made them alone," he replied carefully, then added, cocking his head to the side, "Or almost alone. But I know you did it without the help of the man than had helped create the situation in the first place."

Snidely, Emily replied, shaking her head, "And now your great profiler mind has told you that there is a correlation between the two situations, has it? You believe that I'm overcompensating for my lack of control in the past by over-controlling the present, do you? Well, Rossi, let me…."

"No, Emily, let me," Rossi interrupted, almost sharply, his hands moving to her shoulders as he turned her to face him. "Let me tell you that I'm not like that pitiful excuse for a sperm donor. I think it's fairly obvious that I'm a grown man, and that I know how to manage my own life and take care of what matters most to me. I'm not your teenage boyfriend. I'm not your absent parents. " Pausing for a moment as he stared into her dilated eyes, he added, slowly, "And most importantly, let me tell you that I love you and I'm not leaving you."

Her mind heard his words, and a part of her desperately wanted to believe they were true. But how could she let herself put that much faith in a man, in anyone, when history had proven to her time and time again that such faith was misguided at best and pathetically dangerous at worst? How could she trust him, when she was barely able to trust herself? But as his hands settled heavier on her shoulders, his warmth seeping through the thin jersey of her top, she felt that familiar weight settle back in her soul, the need to protect herself, and this unborn child, coming back to the forefront.

At that moment, she knew that she needed time. Time without him pushing her to determine things she couldn't even begin to fathom.

Jerking her head back, Emily stared into his flashing black gaze as she whispered, her voice as neutral as she could keep it, "Yes, you are, Dave. I want you to leave."

Rossi gritted his teeth as her words sunk in, and he shook his head, automatically telegraphing his answer, "Not a chance in hell, Emily, so don't…."

Shrugging her shoulders firmly, Emily stepped out from underneath his touch, refusing to acknowledge the sudden coldness that invaded her soul when his fingers left her body. "I think we need to spend some time apart, and I think this is as good a time as any."

"Damn it, Emily!" he finally exploded, angrily stalking her as she moved quickly across the floor towards the bedroom. "That isn't how this works!"

Turning sharply as she slapped a hand against his chest, Emily tilted her head. "Not so fun when somebody else tries taking control is it, Rossi? Especially when the person absolutely refuses to be dominated."

"I've NEVER tried to dominate you. Ever," Dave angrily bit out.

"What do you call the last half hour? I wouldn't meekly follow your lead about the damn house and suddenly you want to delve into my past," Emily snapped.

"Your past is standing in the way of our present," Dave groaned, wondering how she had completely missed the entire gist of their conversation.

"Not anymore," Emily replied grimly, knowing that she was making the only possible decision for her and her child. "Because, you and I, David, we don't have a future together," she said softly, turning and walking from him.


	5. Chapter 5

**The First Trimester: Feeling Our Way**

**Chapter Five**

Watching as the bedroom door slowly closed in his face, Dave stared blankly at it for a moment. How the hell had their disagreement devolved into the dissolution of their relationship? Tightening his lips and stiffening his spine, he glared at the closed door. Fuck this…he hadn't come this far to lose her now.

Reaching for the brass doorknob, Dave twisted it with a violent turn of his wrist, the door bouncing against the wall. Stepping into the bedroom, Dave stared across the room at her with narrowed eyes. "Hate to break the news to you, Prentiss, but I'm not so easily dismissed," he said with a forced pleasantness. "Nobody warned you about me, Cara? I don't quit."

Rolling her eyes, Emily fought for composure, a hard battle at best. "Actually, you quit three times before by my count, Dave. This should be quite simple for you. Experience and all that," she informed him, waving a negligent hand in the air, hoping against hope that he didn't notice the shaking in her fingers.

"Again, I think you might have a bit of wrong information," Rossi replied with an ease he didn't quite feel, stalking a step closer to her. "I never quit anything in my life that was still worth fighting for. And you and my child, that's worth fighting for."

"I'm sure your ex-wives will be thrilled to hear that you place them in such low esteem," Emily muttered, not willing to allow him to dissuade her. "And I'm also sure that at some point you felt about them like you say you do about me."

"No, I didn't," Rossi admitted readily, his words spoken with a finality that had Emily jerking her head toward him in surprise.

"Dave, your revisionist history isn't going to…." Emily began, trying to ignore the shock that was settling in her as she reached for the pillow on the bed, fluffing it angrily.

"Nothing to revise, cara," he said, then added, leaning his hands down on the mattress to catch her attention. Waiting until her eyes were focused on him, he said, seriously, "Never once did I chase one of those women down to convince her to have my baby. Never once did I go through hell on earth to show any of them how much I loved her." Pausing, he then added, just as seriously, "Never like I have for you."

Her hands slowed against the sheets as she stared at him, her mind wondering if she was imagining the tone in his voice or if he honesty was telling her the truth. The words slipped out of her lips before she could think about them as she whispered, "Why me? What am I to you?"

"You're the woman I love, Emily Prentiss," Dave said simply. Sighing, he added, "Neither one of us is going to get it right all the time, Emily. We've proven that in spades. But if we don't try to figure this out, then we're going to kill each other and leave that munchkin without either parent."

She knew he was right. Somehow, some way, they needed to reach a compromise. David Rossi was making it patently obvious the he refused to be evicted from her life. And honestly, the relief of that simple fact was overwhelming. But none of that changed the fact that he was right. She was being haunted by ghosts. And the man that was had slowly become a part of her was going to be relentless in his pursuit of her demons.

Lifting sad eyes to his, Emily stated the words that had been echoing through her mind for days…weeks, even. "I don't deserve a second chance," she whispered, a dread filling her voice. "I threw my first one away."

He knew immediately that she wasn't referring to them. He could see the ancient pain shining in her eyes. "No, you didn't," Dave said immediately, hating the horror she must be reliving. "And yes you do," he said, his voice firm.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, David. No. Idea," Emily said sadly, hunching her shoulders as she refused to meet his eyes. "All I can think of lately is that God's going to get even with me somehow. I wake up thinking about it and I go to bed terrified of it. What if there's some kind of divine retribution for the sin I committed?"

"Babe, I can't absolve you of something I don't believe was a sin. You had a tough choice all those years ago and less than no options from where I'm standing," he assured her, his voice quiet as his mind begged for help from the God that he wasn't sure was even listening to him anymore. "And I honestly don't believe God is keeping a scorecard up there. He's not gonna punish our child or you for something that happened years ago. But if you can't get a handle on this, you're going to destroy yourself."

"But, Dave…"

"No buts, Emily," Dave said firmly, reaching across their bed to capture her hands as he pulled her down onto the plush mattress. Placing his hand over her stomach, he gently rubbed against her knit shirt as he said, "This baby is not paying a price for something that happened well before he or she was even thought of. This baby is a gift to us, Emily, just like you are a gift to me. And gifts don't come with strings attached. They are free and clear."

Something in his words started to make sense in her mind again, and slowly but surely, she could feel a few ounces of the overwhelming weight start to float away, piece by piece. Pressing her hands against his, she asked, a bare whisper, "Do you ever think that the baby will grow up to hate us? To wonder why we're the parents he or she got stuck with?"

"Oh, hell, Emily," Rossi began, a grin starting to float on his lips, "I don't think we'll have to worry about that until the teen years." Mugging comically, hoping that she might let him relieve the moment, he added, "PLEASE tell me we have until the teen years before that happens! "

Swatting at his hand, Emily chuckled, weakly, "Dave, it's our child. Of course it will be precocious. We'll be lucky if it doesn't come out speaking complete sentences and demanding a therapist." She sobered then, her tone turning decidedly more serious as she tightened her fingers against his. "Do you really believe that part about the gift? No strings attached?"

Knowing that she needed the reassurance, and the chance to start to view the past through different lenses, he answered firmly, "Yes, I do. The only strings are the ones that we wrap around it, binding it to us. Binding us to each other." He then added, turning her hand to lace their fingers together, "And those are optional, but I find them to be exactly what I want."

Hesitantly, Emily started to nod, allowing him to pull her closer. "I do to. I think."

Wrapping an arm around her shoulder as he leaned them both back against the headboard, he sighed as he dropped a kiss against her raven hair. "That's a step in the right direction, Emmy. "

"A big step," she amended, drawing her legs up as she turned to tuck against him. Letting out a light yawn, she said, her tone almost surprised, "Bigger than I ever expected to take."

Tilting her face up, a finger gentle against her chin, Rossi pressed a gently kiss against her waiting lips as he murmured, "Every step counts, cara. And every step takes us into the future together."

_**FINIS**_


End file.
